The next morning a records crew knocked on the front door. Rita answered it, but wouldn't allow them in. "How is he?"

"Exhausted," she answered. "I really don't think this is a good time. He needs rest. Maybe in a couple of days."

"People are very eager to hear from him. Couldn't you ask him? Just a few questions."

"I'll ask, but I seriously doubt he'll be willing right now. Wait here." She shut the door in his face without waiting for a reply. "Watch they don't come in, will you?"

"Sure," said Soren. He waited while she went to the bedroom, knocking softly at the door.

She came back moments later and opened the door again. "He says to tell you he isn't a prophet, to seek your own answers."

"Will he be coming out?"

Rita looked disgusted. "No. I told you, he's exhausted. Now please, leave him alone."

"You and Arion are quite close, aren't you?"

"We're friends, yes."

"Has he told you anything about what happened up there?"

"He hasn't said much more than 'yes please,' and 'thank you' to me," she answered crossly. "He never received anything to eat during that whole ordeal and he is physically and emotionally exhausted. He is resting. Do you understand? Ask yourselves what you saw yesterday, and look into your own hearts. What do you believe happened? Pray to God and ask Him for your answers." And with that, she shut the door again.

For three days Arion stayed in bed. Rita sat with him, first silently, then with quiet, sporadic conversations. He wept often. Soren and Mark stayed out for the most part. On the third day Soren apologized to Rita for crowding the house unnecessarily. She seemed quite startled, emphatically denying that their visit was pointless. They might be visiting with Arion very little, she said, but he knew they were there, and especially he knew they were giving him space. She also assured him that their presence was an immense comfort to her. He thought this likely to be mere politeness, as she shared virtually nothing of her talks with Arion, but he didn't argue.

On the fourth day, Arion came out to sit at the kitchen table. He was already settled when the records crew knocked on the front door, as they had every morning. "If you'll give them time now," said Mark to Arion, "maybe they'll quit."

He glanced at Rita, apparently aware that they'd been hounding her. "Let them in."

They came into the kitchen, quietly respectful. "We want to thank you for giving us your time," said one. "We understand you're still getting your strength back."

Arion sat back, one knee raised against the edge of the table. An almost imperceptible smile, an almost imperceptible nod. "Yes."

"Is it true you were starved in detention?"

The smile flickered more strongly. "It is true that it was necessary for me to fast."

They seemed to warm up to this answer, and another asked, "Are you angry with the council?"

"No."

"Have you forgiven them then?"

"Why should I forgive them for doing what they felt was necessary?"

"But you were angry when Ealdred Thomas tried to take you when you came down from the mountain." Arion gazed steadily at him without speaking. "Weren't you?" he finally asked.

"Yes."

"Are you still angry with him?"

"No."

"What happened on the mountain?" asked the first since the other was getting nowhere.

"I saw the gryphus."

"Did it remove your shackles?"

"I don't know. I suppose you could say that. I don't remember when it happened. I didn't even remember that I had been shackled. I understand that I was, but I simply wasn't anymore."

"What did it do?"

Arion stared at them for a long moment. "It set us free," he said softly.

"The venat too?" asked one while the others shuffled in surprise.

Before Arion would answer, the first recorder calmed the others, saying, "The venat was already dying. Maybe already dead when it got there. It didn't need to kill it."

They looked to Arion for confirmation, but he stared back at them silently until one asked, "Is that right?"

"No. It released him."

"But it was dying. It wasn't even cuffed to a pole. It didn't need to be released."

Arion sighed heavily. "Gonenlareida leniras."

"What?" they asked in unison.

Arion shook his head. "We don't have words for it," he said wearily. "The gryphus gave him transformation."

"How?" asked one, and "Into what?" asked the other simultaneously.

Arion dropped his head, staring at his shoe just below the table's edge. "They flapped their wings and blew the dust away," he said quietly.

This seemed to confuse them for a moment. "Into what?" repeated the one.

The smile flickered again. "Into what he was before."

"What?" he asked eagerly.

The smile still hinted at the corners of his mouth as he shook his head. "No."

They paused again, and the first asked, "What about you? They set both of you free. What did they do to you?"

The question was couched in suspicious tones and Arion's smile vanished, but he didn't look up. "It sent me back."

"What will you do now?"

"I don't know."

"Will you be encouraging the Gadamista to stop fighting?"

"No."

"But surely you don't approve... The Hammerstar is gone, yet your friends stand at your side."

He looked mildly surprised and turned to look at them. "Temporary leave," Soren explained. Arion turned back to the recorder and shrugged, smiling.

"But what about you? If the venat transformed, surely it has a soul. You can't condone their actions if the venators have souls."

He sighed. "We are not here to judge each other, but to love each other."

"So you forgive them even though you can't approve."

Arion frowned, looking truly annoyed. "You don't seem capable of understanding. There is nothing to forgive. It's not my business to tell anyone what they should or shouldn't do. I am no prophet. I never was. I never claimed to be one. What’s right for one person might not be right for the next person. People have to decide for themselves what God wants them to do. I am not the family's conscience, and I refuse to be forced into that role." He rose suddenly and walked away down the hall. Soren stared after him, leery of the questions which would surely come next.

"How about you?" it came, apparently from the same one. "Is it awkward for you to fight, knowing he doesn't approve?"

"You Jerk!" burst Rita angrily. "Arion just told you he wouldn't make judgements one way or the other! What's wrong with you?"

Soren looked back in time to see the condescending smile on the recorder's face. "He's very diplomatic. But it must be awkward for you," he repeated, looking back at Soren. "Soren, right?"

"Yes."

"You're a Cedrychad. Arion's old wingmate, right?"

"Yes."

"How does all this affect you? You said you weren't leaving the Gadamista. How do you justify fighting if the venators have souls?"

He looked at Mark, who had suggested he consider this very question. He hadn't. "Up till now," he answered slowly, "I didn't believe they had souls."

"But now you do?"

"I guess I have to."

"What will you do about it?"

"...Take it as it comes."

"Meaning what?"

He smiled slightly. "Meaning I haven't made any momentous decisions. I don't plan on leaving the Gadamista, but things have been pretty shaken up lately. I don't know yet how they'll settle."

"So you still feel like you can go out and fight, even though you believe they have souls?"

"They must have had souls before and I fought them then. I don't see myself as capable of standing around doing nothing."

"And you?" he asked, turning to Rita who had calmed considerably. "How do you feel about all this?"

She smiled, too sweetly. "Why do you care?"

"Because you are close to Arion. It helps the rest of us to understand."

"How I feel should be irrelevant," she said seriously. "What people need to understand is simply this: venators have souls, the Lenisats are humans, and Satan is loose. What they do about those facts is up to them."

"What would you have them do?"

Soren expected her to bristle with irritation, but she didn't. "I would have them think for themselves," she said quietly. "I would have them seek within themselves deeply and honestly. God has given each of us different gifts and purposes, and when people look to other people for all of their answers, they usually miss what God is trying to tell them."

"Some people would consider that a cop-out. You won't take a stand because you can't justify it."

She laughed, but whether it was merry or not Soren couldn't decide. "I thought I had taken a stand," she said, still smiling.

The recorder's expression darkened. "Yes. You prefer venators over humans, even over your own brother. Up to and including the one that murdered him."

Rita's smile froze, then melted. She looked at him unflinchingly, her loss and silent indignation accusing him while she would not. "I had no chance to do anything about the venator who killed my brother."

He inclined his head, conceding her qualification with a sneer. "But you certainly befriended the one that distracted him so the other could kill him."

Soren sensed that she had fought this battle many times, her flashing temper held in check by experience. "Torturing him could not have brought Lal back. You ask me to take a stand. Very well. It is this. I have no desire to kill venators. I have no desire to kill humans. I fear and weep for the evil that is sweeping through the family, and I pray for us all. I will continue to do whatever I can for anyone who is suffering, whether he is human or venator or some other member of the family. If it seems strange to you that I do not hate the venators who killed my brother, I suggest you read from the ancient writings. If you want to find answers, you'll have to search for them. Now please leave my house. You are no longer welcome here."

They filed out and Rita slumped in her chair. Silence reigned for several minutes, then she began softly. "Lal was outside, fighting. I could see him. ..He was about to shoot one, and it turned, and saw him. He was scared, you could see it in his eyes, but mostly he was sad. Infinitely sad. He knew Lal had him, and he just stood there, waiting. But Lal just stood there too. And then..." Her voice caught and she closed her eyes. With a deep breath she continued. "This other venator came, out of nowhere, and he saw... And he shot Lal."

She shook her head, staring at the tabletop. "Someone shot it. I don't know who. And I guess the first one was blocked somehow because they didn't shoot him. He just stood there, staring at Lal. ...He.. He was still alive, and.. he had his gun in his hand. The venator just stared at him, looking so sad like he did, and then he tossed his laser on the ground. Just stood there, waiting. I.. I couldn't see Lal's face, but... He put his down too.

"He didn't want to kill him," she said, her voice becoming hard and angry. She looked at Soren and sighed heavily. "They're all mad at me because I wouldn't avenge Lal. They took that venator to the poles. They gave him to me. Said I could do whatever I wanted." She smiled, bitter and defiant. "So I gave him water and washed his cuts. I sat with him all night and wouldn't let anybody touch him." She glared at him, daring him to challenge her. Deeply uncomfortable, he held her gaze, silent. "Lal didn't want him dead," she repeated softly, looking away. "I walked with him to the mountain, but they wouldn't let me go up. ...They told me afterwards that they slashed him."

Soren sighed. "You know," he said quietly, "Raach thought he was going to die, too."

Rita looked up at him, smiled warmly, and nodded. "Thanks."

Arion returned to the room and flopped into a chair with a deep sigh. "Hey," he said, his voice flat.

"Hey."

"Thanks," said Arion, accepting the pava which Mark brought him. "I think I can handle your questions now," he said slowly, quietly. "And I'll try not to run out on you. Like I just did."

"That was the best thing you could've done,” Rita said quickly. “The guy was acting like a total jerk, and the only thing to do about it was take his bone away."

Arion seemed to sag unwillingly. Taking a deep breath he pulled himself up straighter in the chair. "It hurts," he whispered.

"I know."

Soren gritted his teeth, knowing his anger never served any purpose but to make Arion feel worse. Why did they have to torment him? A frustrated laugh escaped him, too unexpected to be quelled. "Sorry," he said, smiling awkwardly as Arion looked at him. "I..." He hesitated, reluctant to explain. "I'm sitting here, angry with that recorder for making you feel lousy, trying not to let you see that I'm angry because I know I'll only make you feel lousy..." He shook his head and laughed again.

Arion smiled and nodded, rescuing Soren from the need to explain further. "Yeah. I hear you. It's hard." He too struggled for more words but found none.

"Arion," said Soren, suddenly seizing courage, "what happened with Raach?"

He smiled to himself with a private, secretive satisfaction. "He transformed. The Gryphus came and transformed him. ...Oh, dear Lord, but he was beautiful."

"When we first brought you in, you were kind of delirious. Out of it anyway. You said other things, about the Gryphus clawing him..." He was very careful not to let his voice sound suspicious.

He nodded. "It took me awhile to understand it myself. It was so mixed up, and so clear all at the same time." He looked up, his eyes deep and intense. "I could feel what Raach was feeling, as if I was feeling it myself. I could feel the Gryphus too, only.. only I could tell it was holding back." He frowned and looked down, searching the memory. "It all felt so natural then, but I.. I can't remember. I understood," he said earnestly, looking up. "I understood it all. Only now I can't remember."

He looked away again, grieving the loss. He took a deep breath, dismissing it, and continued. "Anyway, the Gryphus put its claws into his back, and.." He grimaced. "I could feel it. I can remember feeling it! It was strange because, until then, I didn't realize I was feeling him, hearing him. It felt so natural, I didn't think about it consciously. I still think of it as if it happened to me. He was so ashamed..." He closed his eyes and shook his head. "I'm sorry. It's hard."

"It's okay, buddy. But... What I don't understand is, if Raach transformed, everything should be all right, shouldn't it?"

He smiled a little. "In which case, why am I so messed up, right?"

"Right."

He looked at Rita, his smile tired and confidential. "Because it was hard for Raach to begin and it was hard for me to leave." He sighed heavily. "Raach thought he would be killed," he stated flatly, giving a report. "He was sure of it. As scared as he was though, he was more ashamed than anything else. He didn't want it to see him. He didn't want it to.. get dirty by touching him. And.. when it came," he continued, struggling again, "he wanted it to kill his soul because he didn't want... "

He sighed and shook his head. He frowned then and looked up at Soren. "No buffers, okay? No pretense, no pretending, no anything. Just raw, and there, and..." He dropped his eyes again, blinking. "...He didn't know I was.. joined? That I could feel him. Like I didn't know at first. But.. when it put its claws in, I thought.. or maybe he thought. Anyway, we thought it was going to kill his soul for him."

He paused again, head down, hands gripping his untouched cup of pava. Soren watched him, uncertain. "This hearing him... You mean telepathy?"

He shook his head and sipped the pava. "No. It was more than that. I could feel what he felt. We were one." He shook his head again. "It's hard to explain, because I didn't even know it at first. He didn't know it either. I don't know how much was what he felt, and what was what I felt. It was all what we felt."

"When did you figure out that you were feeling him?"

"...I started to figure it out when he wanted to die, because I didn't. I wanted to be forgiven, but.. we didn't believe it was possible." He paused, considering, then laughed shortly and shook his head. "The more I try to sort it out, the more mixed up it gets! Anyway, we both knew that we felt each other when it stuck its claws in his back."

"Because you could feel that too."

He nodded. "...There was so much all at once then, because we were thinking different things but still feeling them together, all at the same time. ...We were scared, and when he felt me feeling the claws with him, it scared him even worse. He..." He trailed off and stared at his cup. "He introduced me to marl."

Soren nodded, smiling faintly. "Back on Kinoshi."

He nodded. "...He thought he was killing me," he said finally, "and he was terrified because he was already damned just for hurting me. He was.. horrified that he could be used that way. That Dokapka could reach me. ...I was still chained then," he added suddenly, his voice abruptly calm and wondering, apparently just remembering it.

"I wanted to go to him and I couldn't because of the chains. I shouted.. I think I shouted. Anyway, I said no. I said it partly for myself, because I didn't want to die, and I definitely didn't want my soul to die. But mostly I said it for him, because I believed.. we believed that while I might accidentally get killed for being there, he was being killed on purpose.

"He just kind of caved in then. Let it all go. He didn't want to feel anymore; didn't want to think. He.. he thought it gave Dokapka better access. Or something like that. Anyway, he didn't want to be used, and if he surrendered he couldn't be used. Because he'd be dead."

He took a deep breath and sighed heavily, releasing tension. "A lot of that all happened pretty fast. While he was giving in, I was.. feeling at the Gryphus," he said, looking up to see if he was understood. Soren nodded. "I wanted it to stop. I wanted it to forgive him, to know what he'd done for me. ...And Raach was sinking into himself, trying to let it hear me because he wanted it to recognize me, who I was, so it wouldn’t let me be hurt. He wanted..." He broke off, frowning, struggling to define his thoughts.

"He wanted it to contain itself so that I wouldn't catch the overspill of what was happening," he continued slowly and distinctly. "And all of this while it was digging its claws into his back." He fell silent, sitting still except to take a sip of pava. "And then we could feel it," he stated simply.

"Feel what?" asked Soren when he didn't continue.

"The Gryphus. It let us in," he said, his lips twisting with a warped, baffled smile. "Only it was holding back. You could feel it." His breathing became heavier and his mouth worked silently. He stared at the table as if it reflected the picture. "Even holding back.. it was too much. Too much," he repeated in a whisper, smiling at the invisible scene.

Soren looked at Mark when Arion remained silent. "...Arion," said Mark quietly. Three reactions followed in almost instantaneous succession. He looked up, startled, then down, looking to retrieve his thoughts, and finally he glanced quickly about the room, avoiding faces, embarrassed. Soren looked at Mark again, but Mark was looking steadily at Arion. "Can you share it with us?" he asked softly.

He hesitated, then shook his head. "I can't. ...It was laughing at us," he offered apologetically. He smiled again, with less distance. "It was laughing at us, the way you laugh at a little kid when he thinks something awful has happened and you know it hasn't. I didn't understand, and I knew I didn't understand, but.. everything was okay. And Raach, he was relieved too, only he just thought it had recognized me and wasn't going to hurt me.

“I almost started to worry about him, because I could still feel him as much as ever, but it was already laughing at him. ...It pulled its claws out, and.." He grimaced, then smiled weakly. "It hurt," he said, his voice shaking, "but... You can't understand the background.. the colors of the feelings, how they're changed by the way you understand things...

"Raach never started hoping until he felt that pain." He smiled again. "He was so incredulous, it was funny, and we laughed at him, even though it still hurt. We could all feel it, even the Gryphus. But it just wasn't important anymore because then it told him to stretch his wings, and.." He hesitated, tears filling his eyes. "It tore his back to let his wings out." He looked up, confused. "It doesn't make any sense, does it? But that's what he did," he continued, looking down again. "He stretched his wings, and they came out. And we.. they started flapping their wings... I was doing it with them, even though I didn't have any." He spoke softly, almost guiltily, like a wistful child.

Soren looked down at his own cup rather than keep staring at Arion. He knew that he believed Arion, but he was at a complete loss what to make of it.

"It was the most incredible feeling,” Arion said, almost whispering. “You can't imagine how exhilarating..." He shook his head. His mouth struggled to form words, and then quite suddenly he was weeping into his arms. "I didn't want to come back," he confessed from within his arms. "I don't want to be here. Oh, God, it's so empty!" He continued to weep, great wrenching sobs.

Soren sat frozen as did the others, staring helplessly, unable to even reach out and touch him.

"I'm sorry," he said finally, still from within his arms, his voice thick and gravelly. "It's hard," he said disconsolately. "It made me come back, and.. at first.." He tossed his head with an angry hiss. "I thought I was supposed to.. ..To make people understand," he finished bitterly. He sagged then, losing his anger. "I'm sorry. I don't want to put this on you, but I just... I thought people would understand. I forgot... I just.. I wish it didn't have to be this way. I'm so tired. 'N' it hurts. It hurts."

"But you were so happy when you first came down," said Soren, hoping to find something positive out of it all for him to cling to.

"I know," he answered readily. “I’m just being selfish.” He gave a short, despondent laugh at the looks on their faces, shaking his head again. "I forgot how long it is... It'll work out, but we have to go through it first. He's going to tear us apart."

"God is not out to destroy us," Mark said gently but firmly.

"I know. I wasn't talking about God. I was talking about Satan. The one nobody wants to talk about. And he likes it that way. The less you think about him, the less you defend against him." He looked away then, defeated. "You don't understand it any more than I did. No one does. We've all grown up on the idea that we're untouchable. And we're not."

Soren frowned. He was only beginning to accept the possibility that venators had souls, but Satan? "Arion, I'm not trying to argue, I'm trying to understand. We've never been untouchable on our own power, only by God's. You can't mean that God has withdrawn His protection!"

He sighed heavily and shook his head. "No. Not that. But we have to seek it. We have to want it. We have to surrender to God to get it. People just don't understand what that means anymore." He looked at Soren, his eyes so deep and intense they were frightening. “A mother can’t protect a child who refuses to listen. Dokapka is there, actively trying to lead us wrong. God can’t help if people won’t listen. Nobody even bothers to ask anymore.”

Soren dropped his eyes, uncomfortable. "I know what you're saying, but... So some people are a little shallow. They just need time to grow. No one grows in the same way." He heard Arion laugh softly.

"Yes," he said, his voice mild. "That's true." He paused, and when he spoke, his voice had picked a new edge that Soren couldn't define. "But some people have never understood at all, and Satan is at work, making sure they never do. He's going to tear us apart, and we can't stop him. I thought I could stop him. Then I realized I was trying to stop him myself, and thought that God would use me to stop him if I let Him. But I was wrong about that too. God isn't going to stop him. Not until afterwards. ...I do trust Him," he whispered, forcing the words out, "but it hurts. I don't want to watch it happen."

Soren looked at Arion, thinking. "Did the Gryphus explain this to you?"

He seemed startled by the question, hesitating to consider his answer. "I don't know," he said at last. "Everything was very clear while it was.. while I could feel it. I..I know it was holding back, holding itself back..." He shook his head and looked up.

"It was too much, you understand? I couldn't have held what it had." Soren nodded that he understood, and Mark and Rita continued to listen silently. "But what it gave me was so clear..." He trailed off, then shook his head, slumping in dejection. "I can't remember anymore. I only know it made sense. I'm sorry. I can't explain it. ...I understood then, but now, trying to make sense of it... Maybe I'm messing it up. And I don't know if that was part of it or not. I knew I had to come back. I didn't want to, but I had to, and it was important. I just can’t remember why. ...I know God has used me, and I'm glad." He smiled slightly, trying to laugh. "I thought I'd be proud of it, and have to fight with myself about that, but I'm not. It just is, and it's good. It's a good feeling. I just wish... I don't want to watch it happen."

"You think some people can really turn all evil?"

"No. Not at all," he answered emphatically. "I don't think anyone can be all evil. That's what hurts. The worse a person is, the worse that person is hurting." He looked at Soren as if he had suddenly pinned down the misunderstanding. "It's not the innocent people who get hurt that bothers me," he said intensely.

"Yes, their bodies get hurt, but how many times have we said that the spirit is more important? How many times did Ealdred Tovi tell me that all my troubles would teach me strength? It's the people who do the hurting that pain me. They hurt so much more. They're hurting spiritually, and that is a tragedy. You watch. You'll see it. It won't be long now. I'm just the beginning."

Outside, later that evening, Soren walked quietly, following the sound of the music. He spotted Arion sitting on a boulder near the stream that provided Rita's water. The music was halting, and Soren could tell he was creating a new song. He crept close and listened.

"In my slumber late last night
I heard weeping firelight
Oh, strange will-o-wisp,
Guide most curious,
Lead me into your sight."

He paused then, humming to himself, then sang it again, altering the lilting, mournful tune. He sang the same again and continued.

"So I left myself sleeping there,
Of the oddity unaware.
I came yielding,
I came willingly,
To the heart of the flare.

In a dark and lonely room
Sat an elegant man of doom
Throne of bramble rose
Death his treasure trove
Drawn was I to his tomb.

As I entered in through the door
Jumped he up with a fearsome roar
Claws reached for my soul
I saw of his woe:
Mine was life he'd forsworn.

Passed I then to the fireside,
Deep in anguish I cried and cried.
Yes, for Lucifer,
Lost forevermore...

Rats.
Yes, for Lucifer,
Lost forevermore,
mm, mhm-mm-mm-mm.

Oh dear Father now hear my plea,
Save him also as you saved me,
Striving patiently,
Never faltering,
Lead him - "

He paused, then made a rude sound. Soren stepped out, and Arion started, nearly falling off of his rock. "Hey buddy," Soren said, grinning.

Arion growled, also smiling. "I wish you'd quit doing that!"

Soren shrugged. "If you'd quit stopping every time I show up, I wouldn't have to."

Arion started to look guilty, then erased it with a smile. "My fault, right? Okay." He looked down at the mythra, stroking the wood. "I wouldn't have let anybody hear that one," he said quietly, frowning slightly. "Pretty weird, huh?"

Soren considered teasing, then rejected it. "Did you really dream it?"

"Nah," he said with a quick shake of his head. "Just..." His frown deepened and he shook his head again, rubbing his thumb on the edge of the mythra. "I made it up."

Soren sighed and leaned his back against a tree. "Well, I've never heard of anyone feeling sorry for Satan before, but then people don't talk about him much either."

"Love your enemies, yeah?" Arion said quietly. "What worse enemy do we have than Satan?" He paused, and Soren realized he wanted to say more, but was hesitant.

"What is it? I won't take it as gospel, or crazy talk."

Arion looked up at this encouragement, his eyes earnest. "I can't help thinking, what if that's what mankind is for? I mean, we always think so small, so limited... We only think about us, and what things mean to us. What if God created mankind to teach Satan? To redeem Satan? People are always asking what the purpose of life is, why am I here? What is my purpose? They never ask what the purpose of mankind is. God gave us Earth and everything in it, and then He gave us the stars... It's our playground for learning. Well, what if God gave us, mankind, to Satan, so that he could learn?"

Soren maintained a neutral expression. "Gave us to Satan? I don't know."

Arion smiled, relaxing back, only to find nothing to lean against and he straightened up again. "I know. It's kind of different. But the more I think about it, the more I like it. The bigger picture, right? God is so much more than we make of Him..." He sighed, laughing softly.

"Was that one of Raach's ideas?" he asked curiously, remembering the venator's frustration over limited human words.

Arion glanced at him, suddenly defensive. "No. I mean..."

"Arion," he said, sighing, "it's okay. I didn't mean it like that. How can I? After... Did you really see him transform?"

He nodded slowly, forcing a hesitant smile. "Yeah. I really did." He looked away, his face fading through a series of emotions.

"I don't get it," Soren said softly, daring for the first time. "Why does it hurt you so much?"

He paused, struggling silently, then heaved a shaky sigh. "Too many reasons. ...I want it back. I want to remember. I want to forget..." He paused again, a tear slipping down his cheek. "You can't imagine what it felt like.. feeling everything all at the same time."

He looked up, his eyes earnest in their pain. Soren found himself wishing he could believe in anything that deeply.

“...We were one, the gryphus, Raach, and me. It's so empty by myself...

"I wanted to be someone special," he whispered, obviously changing the subject. "Like a little kid who wants to see big results to know he accomplished something." He smiled mournfully, shaking his head. "And I am someone special, but I won't make half the difference in life that you will," he said more firmly, looking up at him. "You'll never see it, Soren, and you'll never know it. It won't be in what you set out to do, it's what other people see in you. Little things," he said, marveling.

Soren laughed slightly, uncomfortable. "I thought you weren't a prophet," he said smiling.

Arion laughed at that, dropping his eyes for a moment. "I'm not," he agreed. "I'm not. It's just a little of what I can remember. You'll always be Cedrychad," he informed him suddenly, looking up again. "Don't worry about it, okay? And don't worry if you let some of them escape either."

"I don't know," Soren said doubtfully, struggling desperately for an appropriate reaction. "I let that one venat live, Ril, and it died anyway. Would've been better if I'd killed it."

Arion laughed softly, sincerely amused. "Are you sure? It got Raach and me together, didn't it?"

Soren snorted, then laughed, then looked at him quizzically and shook his head. "What did Raach become? An angel?"

He shook his head. "No. More like the gryphus, only different. Bigger..."

"What else do you remember?"

His smile faded and disappeared, and he dropped his gaze to the mythra again. "Things are going to get ugly, Soren. People are going to get ugly." He frowned and shook his head sadly. "They don't understand."

"Things have been ugly," Soren responded. "Maybe that part's over now. You were so happy when you first came down."

He shook his head, sighing through his nose. "It's all worth it. Okay? Everything. All of the mess, it's worth it. While I was... I forgot what it meant, because it doesn't matter. Not in the long run. Not in the bigger picture. Even the ugly works out in the bigger picture. Only..." He sighed heavily. "Only we have to go through it first." He looked up, the weight in his eyes making Soren's stomach curl. "It's only starting Soren. I'm only the first."

Soren sighed and threw a piece of twig into the stream. "Yeah. I see," he answered quietly, thinking of the Ealdred. "Ealdred Tovi came to see you, but we wouldn't let him in. You were still sleeping," he explained, answering Arion's intake of breath. "But I asked who he wanted to see, and he said Arion."

Arion smiled and nodded, looking away. "...Don't stay mad at him."

"No. I won't." He threw another piece of twig. "Let's go in. I'm beat."

"You go ahead. I..."

"Okay. No sweat."

"Soren?"

"Yeah."

"...Thanks. For everything."

He laughed softly. "Yeah. Good night."

"Night."