Grey Eagle - Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

Lessons continued, their tone becoming much like that of cadet training. Arion felt certain that Raach would challenge him again, but as the days passed he remained formal and businesslike. The edges of his hate began to soften, slowly overshadowed by a heavy loneliness.

Reegat had lost most of his viciousness, but had also ceased to visit. Raach was polite, but distant. More than once, he thought of inviting him to bring marl, abandoning it each time in self defense. Lonely he might be, but he couldn't go seeking company from the likes of Raach.

He spent most of his time reading, listening to the ancient songs, and trying them out on the mythra. The words said so much more now, bringing him both pain and comfort. An idea slipped in from somewhere, unthinkable, but persistent. He prayed, seeking guidance, but as so often in the recent past, he remained uncertain.

He sat one morning, turning it over in his mind as he tinkered with a song he'd been working on. He couldn't possibly get away with it... But if Raach wasn't home... Then, before he could chicken out again, he began to sing. Always, before, he had sung quietly, to himself, but now he sang out, clear, joyful, defiant. As it broke free, he tingled from head to toe, jubilation crowding out his fear and he knew that it was right.

"White water wild, the peace of new snow,
Soul-washed perfection, the tranquil moon's glow.
Bright yellow sunshine, the saffron of corn,
He said, 'Let there be light,' and our world was born!

Amber gold sunsets, and wide desert sands,
The masterpiece details of our Father's Hands.
Life and death crimson, vivacious is red,
Flamboyant, oft tragic when all has been said.

Amethyst mountains, the little damson,
In royalty kneeling eternity won!
Evening sky sapphire, and oceans so free,
Untamable, limitless, far as you see.

Springtime beginnings, the joy of new birth,
Evergreen forests, the bounty of Earth.
Tawny brown summer, the seal and the doe,
Soon He shall reap; tell me, what did you sow?

The soft gray of driftwood, the promise of rain,
Silver plume feathers lend grace to the crane.
Hail black stallion! Your hooves are most sound.
From white on to black, God's Love can be found.

The song finished, he was silent, but he felt almost giddy. He listened, curious what the reaction might be... Silence. Was it, maybe, deeper than usual? Were they listening? He sang again, continuing until he grew tired.

He stretched out on his bed, profoundly happy.. and a tiny bit disappointed. There were humans out there, but he couldn't expect a response. That would take time. What he was and what he thought had no place here.

Well I do now! He smiled then, laughing softly, wondering what sort of response he had hoped for. But it didn't matter. Nor even, for that matter, did escape matter anymore. His fight had taken on new colors, and new objectives.

He sang again the following day, and the day after that, wondering with nervous anticipation just how long his luck would hold. How angry would Raach be? On the third morning, he received his breakfast, finding beneath the toast a short note. It read:

"Raach will be home tomorrow and the next."

He laughed. He wept. He held himself, smiling, rocking from side to side. Thank You! He ate lightly and quickly, eager to begin. Tomorrow and the next day he could not sing, but today - Today!

He had no lesson that evening, being a day off, but Raach came in with a pot and two cups. He smiled as he poured. "You're up to something," he said amiably as Arion reached the table.

He paused, startled. "Why do you say that?"

"Because you are. You are so happy. There must be a reason."

Arion nodded and sat, relaxing somewhat. It wasn't a clue he had thought he'd given, but it was easily redirected. "I have several reasons, actually. No one's trying to hurt me, for one thing. And I have my toys, as Sharsa puts it. And my spirit is right with God."

Raach shook his head, studying him. "There's more to it than that."

Arion frowned, troubled. He didn't want to lie anymore, not even to Raach. "Are you looking for an excuse to hurt me again?"

"I neither need nor want an excuse, but if you give me reason, you can expect it. What are you doing to make yourself so happy?"

"...Singing. Playing the mythra. ...You know, when I was with Sharsa, I quit on my body. It's like that. I'm just paying attention to God now instead of worrying about my body all the time."

"You are quite satisfied with yourself, Cedrychad."

"Satisfied?" he echoed, allowing his fear to sound in his voice. "Just tell me what you want, Raach. You don't have to punish me, okay?"

He stood and Arion tensed, cringing slightly as Raach took hold of the leash, examining the collar, the length, the eye in the wall. He made a thorough search of the room then, and Arion was glad that he had disposed of his precious note in the commode. "Perhaps I flatter you too much," said Raach, returning to the table. "I would not have thought you could accept your situation so readily. Especially when you expect to die."

Arion's smile was weak and brief, relieved yet reminded. He raised his eyebrows and shook his head, his hand waving feebly, without answer. "It's off in the future somewhere. At least, I thought it was." He looked up at Raach, suddenly unsure, then down again, shaking his head.

Raach was silent for a long time, studying him. At last he said, "I don't trust you. Know that. I have broken spirits and killed many humans for my dinner, but you I don't want to break or kill. Not yet. ...You smile. You think that gives you an advantage, eh? It does. But it doesn't remove the leash. And you will die. I will eat your soul."

His neck prickled once again. "You can't reach it."

"So stubborn. Do you really believe it? I have already touched you. Already tasted you. Do you really think you can stop me? It is already forfeit."

Arion shook his head, nervous but smiling. "You keep saying that, but you would feel the same thing whether you broke me or not. All you're getting when you drink blood is a chemical reaction. You want to drink my blood? Go ahead. It's sick, but that's all it is."

"Mere ceremony," he replied, unperturbed. "But can you pass off so lightly the loss of your soul?"

"You scare me, Raach, but mainly because I don't understand you. You aren't what I thought, so I didn't know what to think. Now it simply doesn't matter."

Raach's head lowered menacingly, and he smiled. "Pretty cheeky for someone in your position."

"Oh well."

He smiled wider, almost laughing, and sat back. "Refreshing. What did you do to heal yourself?"

"For one thing, remember what I knew before."

"Which is?"

"You have my body, but you can never have me. I belong to God, and nothing can change that."

"Nothing? Not even if you wanted to?"

He smiled slightly. "I already tried to kill myself. He wouldn't let me, so I guess the answer is yes. Not even if I wanted to. Pretty comforting."

Raach opened his mouth, but closed it again, smiling. "I won't try to argue it. But I still don't trust you. Remember that." He stood up to leave. "Would you like the rest of the pot?"

"Yes, thank you," he answered, once again surprised by his consideration.

When Raach's two days home were up, Arion sang again. On the fourth day, another note, the same as the first. Raach's schedule became established, and Arion's with it, overlapping that of the lessons. For three days he had singing and lessons. The fourth day he could sing but had no lesson. The fifth he had neither, and the sixth day he had a lesson and couldn't sing.

Time passed quickly now, his confidence high. Death remained a distant probability, escape unlikely, but God was clearly protecting him now. He once again had charges to care for, and a worthy purpose to fulfill.

His life was simple but comfortable, routine punctuated by Raach's sporadic visits. They were sometimes pleasant, sometimes antagonistic, but always welcome. For all the pleasure that singing brought him, he was still lonely, the only response being the two notes.

It was a fifth day morning when Raach came to see him. He was still eating breakfast and he raised his cup of marl in greeting. Raach smiled and sat down, silent, gazing at him. Arion waited quietly, knowing he was choosing his words. "You hate me. Truth?"

"Sure. Only natural, wouldn't you say?"

"Yes, but knowing that, I find it hard to understand how you can be so happy. You can sit here and hate me, yet smile and be truly happy. It is not just bravado, and it has not been temporary. What are you taking such pleasure in?"

"Just a healthy spirit, Raach. Why does it bother you so? I'm beaten, and you know it, but it isn't good enough."

"Yes, beaten, but not beaten. That makes you dangerous."

Arion smiled at that, looking down into his cup. "Funny. I don't feel very dangerous." But inwardly he was smug, victorious.

"So what makes you think you aren't beaten?"

"But I am."

"Yes, only you don't think so."

"Actually I do."

"No."

"I'm doing what you want, aren't I? I'm certainly not doing it because I want to."

"Truth," said Raach, smiling again. "Beaten, but not beaten. Not inside."

"Isn't that what you want?" he asked, growing nervous, and therefore irritable. "Beaten but not broken? You just can't stand to see me happy. You hate me, and the only thing that satisfies you is when I'm miserable. You have me, and you'll kill me, but it just isn't good enough."

Raach smiled and shook his head, unusually mellow despite his probing. "No. Your happiness is refreshing, but it puzzles me. Specifically, what is it that is giving you such satisfaction?"

"God. You see me happy, and you want to take it away from me, but it simply isn't something you can take. He's what is making me so happy. Beaten but not beaten, right? You beat me physically, but you'll never beat me spiritually, and you can't stand it. You win, but you lose."

Raach laughed slightly, shaking his head. "You disappoint me, Cedrychad. I was almost starting to like you, but you're just like all the rest. So superior. So special. Kirtika." He stood abruptly and left.