As the days passed, the lessons remained lighter and the new damat, (a male somewhat older than Arion), remained indifferent. His immediate safety more secure, Arion nevertheless found himself sliding downward in deepening depression.

Lonely and discouraged, he missed Kim far more than he would have expected. He felt traitorous for training Reegat, yet he saw no way out of it. Raach had no available weaknesses. Save one.

Reluctantly, Arion began to consider using Reegat as a weapon. His common sense rebelled, but securely trapped, he could find no other options. He needed Raach to undo the leash, and he would need Reegat to force him.

The only feasible alternative he could come up with was to set fire to his room, forcing Raach to remove him. But that was as bad as attacking Reegat and less apt to work. If the fire was big enough to endanger him, Raach would never bother risking himself to save a human, let alone a Cedrychad. Anything smaller and Raach would simply put it out, most likely leaving him to deal with whatever he had destroyed.

The days continued forward as he tried in vain to think of some other way. His Venatese was improving dramatically. Able to follow along far more easily than he let on, he had never really tried to speak it before. His mistakes were numerous and oftentimes bizarre, but he was learning quickly.

Reegat was now fascinated by him, visiting frequently in the late afternoon to talk. Arion disliked him immensely, for he was consistently rude, superior and antagonistic, often referring to the day when he would kill him. Arion soon realized, however, that Reegat didn't intend to do anything during the visits, and concentrated instead on the Venatese. Reegat ridiculed him for every mistake, but he grew used to it, and it was even instructional.

He resigned himself finally to using Reegat, but still he delayed. At best, it was a long shot, but more likely a dead end, literally. At worst... He had no idea, but he knew he had to succeed or die trying. Escape attempts might be forgivable, but he had already been warned away from Reegat more than once.

He prayed, seeking guidance, but found himself caught by mixed fears and hopes, unable to sort them out. At times he felt it was a bad idea; other times it seemed his only hope, and his fear a lack of faith. Using Reegat, he could not risk trying to take Kim with him. This rankled too, though she did seem happy...

In the end he decided to try, reasoning that he would die anyway if he did nothing. He might die sooner this way, but at least Reegat would not learn anything more. It was this that provided the final impetus; the more Reegat learned, the poorer his chances would become.

The lesson began like any other, but suddenly he moved, grabbing Reegat from behind before he realized what was happening. Reegat was still somewhat stronger, but he had no idea how to break the hold without hurting himself, and he was not yet willing to do that. Raach, for a change, was clearly startled.

"Okay, Raach," said Arion, dropping the Venatese, "I'm ready to leave now. Undo the leash."

"And then what?"

"Then you take me to a flyer. When I feel safe enough, I'll drop Reegat off someplace. Safe and unharmed. You have my word. Now undo the leash."

"No."

"I'll kill him, Raach," he warned, fighting to keep the desperation out of his voice. "I'll break his neck."

"If you kill him, you will have nothing. Then I will kill you. You don't want to know how."

"You'll kill me eventually anyway, but you don't have to lose your son. Let me out of here, and I promise not to hurt him."

"I could do that, but you have nowhere to run. I will be lenient if you let him go now."

Arion shook his head. "I keep telling you, I'm not stupid. If I planned on backing out, I wouldn't have started. I'm not training Junior here. If I have to kill him, I will. Or you can undo this leash and I'll let you have him back. You want to try to catch me after that, well have at it. At least I'll have a fighting chance."

Raach nodded. "Very well. I will have to get the tool." He walked slowly to the workbench and opened a drawer, pulling out the - no, it was a laser. Arion felt pure calm inside, watching Raach's arm come up. He was surprised only by the knowledge that Raach would sacrifice his own son that way...

.

He moaned softly against the headache that was gradually dragging him awake... He knew that headache, and he didn't want to move... He couldn't move. He was lying face down, arms outstretched, wrists shackled to a board. His shirt was gone. What in Creation...?

He thought back, struggling to remember... He whimpered, suddenly terrified. Avigdor! Help me... Driven by instinct, he struggled to rise, but the board was too large and awkward. He forced himself to calm down, trying to think...

Reegat came in, and his hopes rose slightly. It was more of a failure on his part perhaps, but maybe, just maybe it would mean he was in less trouble...

Reegat squatted down next to his face. "You look very helpless." Arion looked up at him, and down, silent. "You look very calm. You wouldn't be if you knew." Arion closed his eyes, his stomach cramping.

Raach came in then and Reegat moved away, making room for him. He looked at Arion coldly as he set down a variety of items, one by one, arranging them just so. "What do you remember?"

"...After supper. Almost lesson time."

"You made plans?"

He closed his eyes, nodded fractionally. "Yes."

"I put a stop to them."

Arion watched him arrange his things, his alarm growing. It was so elaborate...

"Damats are easy to punish," Raach said quietly. "They learn quickly. But a Cedrychad..." He shook his head, frowning. "You must be convinced. And that takes time. A long time."

He adjusted knobs on a little black box, uncoiled wires and plugged them into it. He opened a palm-sized case and set it on the floor in front of Arion's face. Inside were a number of needles, but they were not syringes. With a pen, he began placing marks on Arion's back, each touch of the pen sending intense chills.

Arion looked up at Reegat. The look on his face one of vicious anticipation, and Arion's stomach cramped again. They had decided to pull his wings off.

Raach took one of the needles then, probing at one of the marks until he found a nerve. Arion gasped, flinching. "There it is," said Raach softly, approving. He continued this way with each of the needles. Then he connected each needle to a wire from the box.

"This is a fascinating instrument, though the principle is fairly simple. It stimulates the nerves. Sharsa told you how we learned about your blood from your ancient records. I learned this the same way. They actually used to help people this way. Or, at least, so they claimed. Humans are terribly sick creatures though, and I tend to think they did it for spite." He reached over to the box and flipped a switch.

The pain took Arion's breath away and his back convulsed uncontrollably. Raach turned it off. "Healthy nerve. Interesting, yes?"

Arion stared at him, wordless terror engulfing him.

"Your people used this to determine nerve damage. Each switch works a different set of needles. If it is painful, that means the nerve is healthy." He flipped another switch, then off.

"Oh Dear God..."

"He doesn't care, remember?" He flipped a switch, and off. "As you so aptly put it," said Raach, his voice now low and cold, "if you're going to punish someone, make it count." Arion looked at him, pleading, only to be snatched by the pain... Raach played with the switches, sometimes brief shocks, sometimes leaving it on so that he thought he would never turn it off.

"Please..." he whispered, abandoning the knowledge that he would continue regardless.

"Please? More? Certainly." He flipped several switches at once, leaving them on until he screamed. "We can play this game any time you like, Cedrychad. We can play for as long as you like."

"I'm sorry," he whimpered. "Please Raach... I.. I.. I'm sorry... Please..."

Raach paused, waiting until Arion looked up at him. He flipped a switch on and off. "Not good enough." Once more, and off. "Say it again."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please Raach," he sobbed. "I'm sorry. Please..."

"What are you sorry for?"

"...For Reegat. F'r.. for try'n... t'..t'.. hurt Reegat."

"That's right." He flipped several switches, leaving them on while he screamed. He turned them off and waited for him to settle down. Then he leaned close and said, "Hurting Reegat is not allowed. You will not try ever again."

"I w'.. I.. I won'... P'ease..."

"Not good enough." Arion screamed as he flipped the switch and off, a short shock. "I want your promise, Cedrychad. Your promise that you will never try to hurt Reegat again. Ever. Promise."

"I pr'mise..." he whispered, crying. "I pr'm'se..."

"You're mumbling," said Raach, reaching for a switch.

Arion cried out, flinching, then looked up when he paused. "I promise," he said in as clear a voice as he could manage. "I'll never.. try to hurt 'm.. again. I promise." He closed his eyes, his voice dwindling to a whisper again, "I promise... I won't... I promise..."

Raach nodded, satisfied. He turned the box off, removed the needles, undid the shackles. He picked up his things and left.

Arion cried brokenly. He had dirtied himself and wanted to go get clean, but it wasn't worth the pain of moving. He wasn't worth it. He drew his arms in, but the movement brought fresh spasms and he cried out softly, whimpering. As the pain subsided some, exhaustion granted unconsciousness.

.

Oblivion retreated, the remainder of his pain now forcing him awake. He moved then, slow and awkward, plagued by minor spasms. He made his way to the bathroom and cleaned up, leaving his soiled clothes in the shower. He dressed in the clothes he would have worn after the lesson, and slipped under the covers of the bed, trying not to exist.

In the morning, he stayed in bed, sleeping little, thinking nothing. Raach came to see him, dragging him from the bed when he failed to respond. A despairing moan, and he sat where Raach had dumped him. Raach grunted roughly and left. There was no lesson that night.

The second day he hurt less but felt worse. When Raach came in to see him, he was sitting on the bed, curled up with his back against the wall. He looked up without meeting Raach's eyes.

"Ta," commanded Raach. He came. "Bro." He closed his eyes, dying within. He knelt. Raach said nothing more and Arion stared at his hands. He pulled his ring off and dropped it on the floor between Raach's feet. Raach picked it up and left.

For a long time he simply sat where he was, his mind idly observing the sensations as his feet went to sleep... With a conscious effort, he rose, ignoring his feet now. He went into the bathroom, picked up the razor and took the blade out. He stared at it, and it seemed unnaturally vivid...

He had wanted to kill Raach when he was stronger, but Raach was right. He would never be strong enough. He could no more stop him than a child could.

He would have promised anything.

He pressed the blade against his wrist, watching the blood well up behind it. He stopped, the artery not yet reached. Don't hate me... It's all I have left. He won't let me quit... I can't fight him. Aviel, please... Please don't ignore me. I can't handle this alone. Just don't hate me... Please?

Blast You! Where were You when he murdered my soul? You're supposed to protect me! You on his side now, or what?

Furious, he pressed the blade down. A second cut, deeper, but again he stopped. "Damn!" He threw the blade across the room where it plinked harmlessly into the tub. What do You want from me? I can't fight him! I can't! I tried. I tried, and I just can't. He can make me do anything he wants. What am I supposed to do?

I'm sorry... He sobbed, ashamed yet again. I'm sorry. I know it isn't Your fault. It's mine. I'm just not strong enough. But I don't understand. How come... How can he do that? Why...

And as he felt the answer, he felt the peace that came with it, closing his eyes with the shiver that tingled across his skin...

Chapter 01 | Chapter 02 | Chapter 03 | Chapter 04 | Chapter 05
| Chapter 06 | Chapter 07 | Chapter 08 | Chapter 09 | Chapter 10
| Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15
| Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20
| Chapter 21 | Chapter 22 | Chapter 23 | Chapter 24 | Chapter 25
| Chapter 26 | Chapter 27 | Chapter 28 | Chapter 29 | Chapter 30
| Chapter 31